Why Game of Thrones Is Ruining The Internet

I love Game of Thrones. It's the best. It's got everything a young man wants in a TV show: A great story, lots of characters, political intrigue, boobs and the continual removal of people's heads. A spectacular thing. However, my love of this show has risen to a level where I actually care about the characters and the outcome - which places me at a significant risk.

Once you care about the characters and the story it's kind of hard to not let yourself be disappointed. Not by the show (always) but just by other people. We have an instantaneous culture now. Everyone gets everything immediately and then they share it immediately. You watch the latest episode of Game of Thrones and a big important thing happens and you think 'wow, all my friends are probably all amazed by it as well' and you take to social media and hashtag the shit outta that bitch. 

See, the problem is I don't care. I like to watch my show entirely independent of what YOU think of it. If I wanted your opinion I'd ask for it, and I certainly wouldn't do that, ON THE DAY IT CAME OUT! I wouldn't just ASSUME that everyone had seen it on OPENING NIGHT and then just start running my fucking mouth about it. I am a fucking classy gentleman after all. 

Back in the day where we had conversations and stuff, you actually had to be in the room with people. You actually had to see their faces and gauge responses based on body language. The polite thing to do would be to say 'Has everyone seen X?' if not everyone had, they could excuse themselves if they didn't want the thing spoiled. But now everyone just ejaculates whatever word-vomit they want into the ether and just expects everyone else to deal with it. It now becomes my problem if I don't want to see your shitty, dumb opinion about the latest episode of whatever. And the problem is you can't unread something

And you're not tricking anyone by being all cryptic and clever and shit. A veiled reference is still a reference and now you're collectively putting this thing in my head and I can't stop it. It ruined the last episode for me. I saw the big reveal coming - I can't believe Sansa was killed by that giraffe! Twice!

It's gotten to the stage that I know to not look at any social media on Monday nights in order to avoid GoT spoilers - which is especially hard for me because I am a #QandA hashtag fiend. It's ruinin' ma internets! And not that it's some big sacrifice for me to put my fucking phone down once in a while (#firstworldproblems and all that) I'd just like people to exercise the proper etiquette in regards to these matters. You can talk about New Girl all you like - I don't give two shits about that. But keep the Game of Thrones and True Detective spoilers to yourself for at least a week - if you could possibly manage it. I know you can't believe it - we all can't. Just let us find out at our own pace.

And to all those people who say read the book - fuck you. Have you seen those things? They're like 700 pages! I read, I just read other stuff that hasn't been show-ified yet. That's the point isn't it? So people like me who haven't read the books can get into it? Otherwise why bother making it into a series at all? Just read the book, it's always going to be better. Hard-ons.

Wow, I've just re-read that and it seems like I'm super pissed about all this. Just try not to spoil things on the internet for me if you could. Kthanksbai.

Follow @JorgeTsipos on twitter to see Jorge ruin all your favourite shows and listen to his free weekly podcast Unnatural Selection to have him ruin everything else for you too.