Tony Abbott's Last Ditch Attempt To Win Back Australia

Earlier this morning a fanatical man turned up on Australia's lawn with a hilariously outdated sound system called a 'boombox'  and began to play loud music unannounced, in clear violation of the area's residential noise restrictions. In a stunning revelation the frantic and teary-eyed gentleman turned out to be none other than the Australian Prime Minister, Tony Abbott. 

Mr. Abbott hoisted his boombox into the air and blasted the Peter Gabriel classic 'In Your Eyes' while staring stoically up at Australia's window as a single tear rolled down his cheek, Native-American-style. Sources confirm that Australia shifted uncomfortably in her bed and then looked away, unable to bear staring into Tony's eyes once again.

"Please god. Please no."

"Please god. Please no."

The PM allegedly then wept openly and  cried out in an increasingly desperate tone "Please don't leave me, please god don't leave. Please god. Please don't leave me god. Please. Please no. Please."

Peter Gabriel was reached for comment about the distraught Australian Leader's actions "I don't support that muppet using my majestic song for such nefarious purposes. Pip pip. Cheerio. "

Mr Abbott has reportedly curled up in the foetal position on the lawn and has begun mewling like a kitten - he has yet to remerge. We will bring you more information on this story as it develops.