You Get What You Deserve

Hey America, you fucked up.

You didn't vote and now you've got two levels of Government who have made it their mission to literally get nothing done. Seriously, Mitch McConnell (who has been re-elected for the 112th time, thanks Kentucky) actually made a speech at the Heritage Foundation where he literally* said that 'Hey, we're going to block Obama at every turn and then capitalise on the fact that everyone gets annoyed that nothing gets done. A-yup' 

This congress has done less that the famous 'do nothing' congress of 1947-1949. Let me repeat that - they have done less than the people who are historically renowned for having done very little. That is not a lot.

There have been more filibusters, more obstructionism, more danger of Government shutdown then there has been in literally** all of American history. America was more unified during the civil war, for Christ Sake. I'm being hyperbolic, but not by much.

And now everyone's gone and elected a Republican majority in the Senate too because... why exactly? If you follow Ben Casselman on twitter (above) you'll see he raises some excellent points in his writing for Nate Silver's stats fanboy Website

Overwhelmingly American voters do want these things. They want legal abortion. They want medical (and frankly recreational) pot. They want (see: need) a higher minimum wage. None of these are things which Republicans, en masse, are offering and yet they now control both houses of Government.

Now, why?

Well, President Obama is about as popular as Cancerous ISIS Ebola Haemorrhoids right now. Watch Alison Grimes (Mitch McConnell's first real challenger in about a century) flip-flop over whether she even voted for Obama as a citizen. I mean, she's a Democrat, so chances are... yes. Yes of course she voted for him. Who else would she have voted for, Captain Hairdo? Is that the person they would've preferred she vote for? The out-of-touch black-hole of charisma that was Mitt Romney?  Also, WHO CARES!?


It's a cute little Obama protest. Everyone's sad about stuff. They're mad at Obama for some reason. He persists on being black, despite all urging to the contrary. So the entire country has decided, since you've been so stalled by historic levels of gridlock, here's some gridlock as a reward! What's that, gridlock, you say? Wish granted.

Also, Democrats don't turn out for the midterms. I guess they're not as sexy as presidential elections where one is want to get swept up into the romance of Hope and Change and all that. Nobody's got any sexy hashtags going, nobody is wearing cool t-shirts and the celebrities that we let think for us aren't really engaging either. It should be mandatory voting, like here in Australia. It may not be convenient, but at least you know it's representative. Even if you don't like the results.

Voter ID laws. And redistricting or 'jerrymandering.' Cutting down early voting times. Guess who they affect? Republicans? Nope. Democrats. Duh. Otherwise they wouldn't be doing it. You have more  chance of being Jennifer Lawrence then of being someone who voted fraudulently in the last decade. Rather than try to improve access, Republicans are instituting a 21st century extension of a Jim-Crowe era 'poll tax'.

All important constituencies for Democrats just don't give a fuck. Women. Blacks. Latinos. Everyone has checked out at this point, despite the fact that in just a few years they're projected to be the majority. That's right, the minorities will be the majority. And yet they have either chosen not to vote, or more troublingly, have chosen to vote in a way that is clearly antithetical to their self interest. The only people that have time to give a toss are old, conservative white people - who, despite having all the abortions and drugs in the 60's (and no longer CAN have those things) have decided that YOU should be denied them. Like Mick Jagger telling you not to do drugs after he's had half a century of frosty the snow man, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, cool, whatever Mick. 

And not that Obama is perfect by any means. I have a lot of serious problems with Obama. His inability to subvert the military industrial complex (can't close Guantamo, the never ending war in Iraq, the secret drone war in Yemen and Pakistan - you know, actual issues) and the fact that as a Democrat and a Nobel Peace Prize winner he has done more to lend these things credibility than George Bush ever could have. But here's the thing: he's trying.

The deficit is down. Unemployment is halved. The DOW Jones is at record highs and The Affordable Care Act has seen millions of perviously uninsured Americans get insurance and it has arrested the runaway growth of healthcare costs. It's working. Slowly but surely, and with literally no help from the Republicans trying to repeal it at least 50 times at this point, it is working. This president oversaw what may be considered the most economically and politically turbulent time in almost a century and he has received almost 0% credit for it. It's like a magic trick. Instead of championing his achievements Democrats ran from them. Even siding with Republicans on the fuck-Obama train. And that's the moment they lost. Believe you me, history will be on Obama's side.

As for the next two years, the American public is going to get exactly what they deserve: An obstinate, useless, self-interested, paralysed Congress that will somehow be even less popular than they are now.

And they deserve it. 

To follow Jorge's other rantings, follow him @JorgeTsipos on twitter and listen to his weekly comedy-news podcast Unnatural Selection.

* (see figuratively)

** (See actually literally)